Change is not a slice, but a puncture
On new beginnings
You know you are truly at the gates of a new beginning when something you never thought could happen, happens. By starting again, you rip off skin, trusting that the one solid thing you have always relied on will serve as bones, but this too shatters, because change is not a slice, but a puncture. Contents will pour, and shit will shower all over you before it gets better. As Marx had it in the Manifesto of the Communist Party: “all that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and man is at last compelled to face with sober senses his real conditions of life, and his relations with his kind.”
In awe, you realize that what felt solid was in fact rigid, and what seemed like stability was stagnation. This realization is just another consequence of reconsidering a substantial aspect of your life. Saying, “I will no longer take shit from others.” Honoring that, means you have to actively reject what you have told yourself was “shit from others.” Who am I without this man? How can I live without this friend? How could this have happened to me?
When you start again, you are faced with many, if not all at the same time, and you tend to tell yourself: it was your call, less is more, loss is gain, and all of this is wonderful, and new flowers will bloom. But as much as this is true, loss is loss, and loss is pain.
As you try to grow while changing, so many things call you to regress. Danger! Please stay in your lane. And you see yourself crawling back to your old sarcophagus; oh, surprise! You do not fit.
Reacting wisely to old structures is the hardest because as you change, you burn inside, and fire and wisdom are not always friendly. So, facing new beginnings is a lot about standing still, as still as possible, and letting shit rain on you for as long as it takes while holding your flame close to you —or, better said, it is about sitting with your feelings for as long as it takes while holding your flame, until the storm recedes and you can see what’s still there for you, regain your footing and eventually, take it to the mountains.
Hermoso, tocaya